But as life goes on, I have come to realise that one important question that most people have not really asked themselves. Why is it that family has to be more important? More specifically, what things has the family ever done to make it more important than friends?

If people asked themselves this question, I guess they'd have many answers. The majority would definitely go all positive and say things like "Oh my family has fed, clothed and educated me" or "They provide(d) me with shelter and comfort" or "Family is a network of support and home with the family is where the heart is" or things like that, you know? I admit that all, if not most, of that is true. The family provides intangible things like care, concern, support etc. More so tangible things.

However, as we are growing up and going through the difficult phases in our lives as teenagers, adolescents and young adults, don't we tend to spend more time with our friends than our family? You know we spend three-quarters of our lives in school and outside the home. Thus, we actually interact more with our classmates, friends and acquaintances alike rather than immediate or extended families. Isn't that so? Even as we're home, we tend to spend more time cooped up in our rooms revising, studying, sleeping, resting, reading, listening to music or even updating our online journals! We only see our families during meal-times, that is, IF we sit and eat together during breakfast, lunch or dinner. My family doesn't. We take separate meals because we are not always home together and even if we are, we are so used to taking separate meals that it has become part of our daily lives.

So who's there to say that friends are incapable of offering the type of support that the family is able to give?

I was having chocolate and cheesecake with my cousin last Friday and we talked about this. She actually turned down a friend's invitation to be the lunch company, just to accompany her long-lost old cousin to Coffeebean, even though the friend has asked her earlier even before I came into the picture. Now don't get me wrong. I never said my cousin was not supposed to do that or that I had turned into a sidetracking bitch and simply "whisked" her away from her friend.

My cousin explained to me her rationale for turning her friend down, which was, family was more important. *wink* But get this, the reason is very substantial because :

1) Both of us cousins have not seen each other for quite some time let alone spend time together. Considering that we're pretty close, time spent together is very invaluable.

2) She always sees this friend of hers. In fact, all her other friends since they are in the same school and they spend time together almost every single day of the week.

I found her reasons justified and for once, I found myself living in that fantasy family bubble that I'd always wanted.

However, I had not forgotten my stand. I also laid down my view on the same predicament, i.e. the dilemma of having to choose between family or friends. I stressed to my cousin that even though I found her reason 100% acceptable, in a similar case, I'd try to accomodate my friend first because:

1) The friend has asked earlier. However many times I see the friend, the friend has the advantage of the honour.

2) I had given my word to the friend. How can I break my word simply because someone else, i.e family enters the picture?

This is a moral dilemma. There is no right or wrong. Which was why I asked that single questions many times to myself :

Which is more important, family or friends?

I can never draw a direct line between the two. There will always be situations that are complicated enough to draw you in and thus worsening the matter. I have been stuck in such situations and I'm sure that most of you would have experienced the same problem.

Having problems with either side might actually benefit the other party.

In cases where extended or even immediate family creates a difficulty, I cannot help but feel as if I should be siding with friends and vice-versa. I mean, yah, it's lop-sided and it will never balance because things that we do not like will keep popping up. In fact, I personally feel that we, as sane human beings who are capable of thought, will always have to make adjustments and be flexible enough to fit both parties into our daily lives. On days where the family scores points, it will suffice to spend time with them and on days when the friends have not seen each other for eons, it is of course justifiable to make time to have lunch together or simply sit down on the beach and have a good conversation.

For those who have to fit in yet a third person who happens to be rather special, all the best to them. It is never easy to spend time together when both of you have different schedules or different priorities.

Good luck.

I have rambled and ranted and actually I had something specific to say. But I weighed the pros and cons and I realised that it would definitely sound mean and hurt the other party so I decided to just write whatever came to my head.

I never did make the point.