I could have met you on Sunday. I could have, but I didn't. We were 4 hours apart.

Remember you mentioned once during one out of our many talks, that I seemed to always stay the same? That I remained the same person that I was since you met me 5 years back? That I didn't seem to change?

I think I have, and so does everyone. We discussed about it again some time later and yes, you mentioned that time round, that everyone would soon go their separate ways. Shifting priorities, family commitments and career advances would soon dominate over our lives, such that we would have less and even lesser time to meet or catch up.

And it's true. Such a self-fulfilling prophecy it seems to me. We're leading our separate lives and now it seems difficult and even awkward to text a message. I think I'm becoming more like you; revelling in my obstinance to contact others unless they were to make the first move first. It makes me feel needed and remembered, albeit, with a tinge of childishness. But then sometimes, I wish I were still a child, so that I don't have to bother with feelings and emotions.

They tire me.

I've always been a private person and no one can tell exactly what I'm thinking or will do next, unless I choose to let them know. Even so, I would be disclosing half-truths, for snippets appear to be more tantalising and interesting as opposed to the plain, entire truth.

Sometimes I'll start to compose a message to you or find your name in my contacts list, only to retract my decision. For I'm afraid of being rebuffed or rejected with disdain, just like some others have experienced.

We all need assurances, don't we, because human beings are never far from insecurities, even though insecurities are the whisperings of shaithaan.

I have to admit though, part of the reason why I've not been contacting you, was also my pride, in wanting to see if you'd make any effort to maintain the friendship that we have. I refuse to use the term "had" because I still regard you as a friend. Heck, even MORE than that. I look up to you and I've always respected you.

Even if you look younger than your age.

I miss talking to you and hanging out like we used to. Do you miss it too?

Dang, maybe I should have kept this post somewhere else.