Maybe it's retribution, maybe it's not. I am feeling very much afraid. It is as if one is a used piece of clothing, about to meet its doom. But why should I be feeling like this in the first place? I am not having menses. I am not chronically ill. What is it then?

It could be PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). Or it could be just rotating mood swings. But as far as I'm concerned, I am sensing changes. Drastic changes. And I fear. For I yearn too much. I yearn and have this pathetic sense of longing, so much so that it is complicating my thinking process. I can't put my little grey cells to work. I can't seem to comprehend anything. It is a huge contrast to my literary knowledge of understanding.

God help me please. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I can't seem to do anything right. I thought it was just for a short while but it is dragging me down. I don't care about what others think or feel or do already. I just want to wrap myself in my own little world where I can be as vague as I like. Where I don't have to answer to anyone or anything. Where I am unreachable.

I have let out uncontrollable rivers. I don't even seem to have power over my own emotions anymore. What the hell is wrong with me?? Am I being dictated over? As I've said before, I'm half-hearted. One part of me wants to break free of the conventional moulds of society and the other half wants to submit and just please. But it isn't really like that. I have been given options. I can choose for my own. However...I don't feel like choosing. I'm just real screwed. Really really screwed.

Then I will let him know.

Am I sinking into melancholy?