With a lot of pent-up emotions.

I'm guessing menses should be knocking my door pretty soon, what with the glumness and sullenness that have been shrouding me for the past few days.

I lost my temper just now and I was once more the rude child that I had been about a decade ago. I hate myself on such occasions. I just go all tantrumy and no matter how hard I try to appease myself, it always gets the better of me. Kinda reminds me of Darrell Rivers (Malory Towers) who battles her hot temper time and again and when she prides herself on overcoming it, out it comes again.

Started with the serkop (*Note: the piece of little headgear that Muslim women wear over their heads before putting on their scarves) affair. I own 3 serkops, 1 blue and 2 black ones. I have no idea where the black ones have disappeared to and this is common, since whenever my mam picks up the laundry, she will be the one to also keep them away. Usually she'd leave them on the table and it will our jobs to keep them. However, when we are at work or school, she'd keep them herself.

The thing is, she's forgetful. She has been forgetful for the last couple of years and it is with much effort to not lose patience since she is, after all, the mother and lady of the house. But today I just lost it. I mean, I know the black serkops have been undiscovered for pretty much a week now and it didn't bother me so much because things usually turn up by themselves after some time. Also, there was the blue serkop and since I've only been out once in the entire week, I've been pretty much a happy bunny.

Until today. Today, today, today. Oh yes, when Suhaila loses her temper, it is terrible. And now that I'm thinking rationally, I don't think I was angry over the serkops. No. I think I was angry over everything there is with the family. I don't know whether you readers have read this entry because that really sums up my family. I suppose there are countless families out there who are like us as well, but then again, no one family is unique, much like each and every one of us is an individual, even for twins.

I don't expect readers to sympathise nor emphathise (unless of course, your families are pretty much like mine). I'm just trying to release what's inside of me each time I get angry. I realise I write better when my emotions are stirred, mostly on the negative side. Har har. But then isn't this what a diary/journal is all about? Releasing pent-up emotions? It's so therapeutic for me each time I vent my frustrations here. I seem to calm down and yes, I don't get angry until ages later but then again, of course I would angry. Anyone would. We're humans and it's impossible not to get angry nor frustrated. You tell me, is there anyone out there who is an absolute angel and never gets angry? There might be people who rarely get angry but hey, they get angry too sometime.

I suppose I would have to find ways to deal with this anger. I've heard of anger management classes but then again, I think they're rubbish. Anyone can conduct classes and call them "angry management classes". Least, that's my opinion. I've surfed websites on how to deal with anger and they seem to work, but only for a short period. I find myself relapsing into anger and moodiness after a while. Hmmph.

This has been an usually long entry but I've let this out. For the time being. God knows when I'll get angry again but when I do, hopefully it'd be a good read.

I do read myself.