I thought I'd finally gotten over it after JC. I mean, I found some really great friends from there who gave me all the more reason to love myself because they love me for me! (Right guys? ;p) And after that, I just didn't care if I made any more new friends or not. I tried to be more of myself and if people accepted me, well...good for both of us, but if not, it's no loss of mine.

Even in the working world, I'm being myself in the professional sense. I don't know for sure if there's any cause for anyone to bear anything against me but hey, right now, my ignorance is bliss. I don't need to know and I don't want to know. As long as I get work done in the most ethical way that I can manage, I'm happy. And bearing that in mind, I don't need everyone in my working environment to be friends with me. Just a few close colleagues who also double up as friends is sufficient for me. (If you've been privileged to read a certain Multiply entry, you'd know that I treasure a small-knit circle of friends rather a wide group of fairweather acquaintances.)

Anyhow, I just can't believe that I still am in the "running" to be accepted by someone in family circle. Seriously, why the need to be biased? The difference in your treatment of the other family members as compared to me and my family is so apparent! If it occurred once or twice, then maybe I'll close one eye and be done with it. But somehow, I can't help but feel disappointed, especially when my own family members notice the disparaging treatment by you. I want to allay their fears and be a neutral party like I always have but then again, it kills me when my own brother voices out his discomfort.

As you're part of the elderly, I cannot be rude to you. I have to show respect and mind the words coming out from my mouth. I admit, I'm very stubborn and I WAS rude in my younger days but I think I've really mellowed down a lot. I bite my own tongue to stop myself from lashing out retort after retort (hey, I'm capable of this okay) because I don't want to hurt your feelings and be damned by the others whom I love. I don't want the 'lil ones to think that it's okay to be rude to their elders and I certainly don't want their parents to say that my own parents never taught me to set a good example.

However, I find your own conduct questionable. I know that we're not really part of the family circle but hey, we've been in for dunno-how-many-years-already aren't we? What makes us any less different from the other members? Why have you kept us out of the loop for so long? We're always the last to find out about things even though my mam contributed to the family aeons ago, for a good many years.

I'm just so tired of your antics already lah. If not for my brother and my mam, I won't even care about you.