It's amazing how increasingly DULL my Sundays are. I know I'm DULL but other people don't have to rub it in by telling other people how DULL I am. Go to hell. Huh.

Notice how bored+pissed I am? I feel like taking MC for tomorrow but if I do so then I'm not facing up to reality. So I might as well just grin and bear it. Huh.

I realise how I hate some people. Okay, not exactly hate cos that's too strong a word. Loathe. I loathe some people. They have it so easy. They don't have to slog or work hard to achieve results. I'm jealous hell yeah but it's not fair. Okay so life is never fair but then why should it be unfair in the 1st place?? Ugh. I hate some people. People like Yishan and Peifen and the elites and some muthaf*cking asses...UGH! I hate them!

I like to reminisce. Cos it's only when I reminisce that I get to think of the good times. I hope I'll have more good times in future Insya Allah...but well...doesn't seem to be like that at the moment. I mean, I dunno. It's gotten to be increasingly stale...I don't have that many good times anymore. Horrible isn't it? *sigh* The only sweet memory I have of TK was winning best speaker @ the semis. I just couldn't believe it. But we lost lah. But heck, I got best speaker so who cares. Wahahahahahhaa...! Hai...

I realise that I can never get along with mats and minahs. No seriously. I even quitted the MCS in TK cos I was practically SURROUNDED by minahs. Phew! Thank God! That was why when I went to JC, I entered a club that I knew I have interest in. Yeah well, and I entered another club cos that's where most of my frens were. Only problem was, THAT club was the one that had a fair number of people whom I consider the elites. Snobbish mats and minahs. Huh.

What a life. I ain't got a life!!! Argh!

Well, I'm not gonna let this bother me. Lalalalalalalala~...for f*ck what others say. I'm me and whatever I say I am...er...ok erase that! But ye get the idea. I just have to sustain myself...be nice...gring and bear it. Insya Allah, God will show me the way. Amin.

Okay so now I really dunno what to get my students. I mean, should I only get my form class something or ALL my classes? If all means I have 8 classes to think about y'know...then what to give is also another problem. At the end of the day, it's the total amount of money spent. Gawd...rabak aku gini macam.

And LOVE! I need LOVE! I mean, LURVE!~ Yeah okay I'm wasting myself but *phew*...at least I've done half of my lesson plan. I mean, I'll try not to let what others say affect me. It's demoralising but to hell with them. Every new teacher goes through this and this is only the beginning. Like Corgan sings, "The end is the beginning is the end..." There can never be an end. Even senior teachers get it, so why can't we? Precisely my point. And seriously, I need LOVE! Ugh...this is not what I want. I mean, yeah I want to immerse myself a beautiful relationship but then again, I haven't found that one person. Well actually I think I have, but then it's as some might say 'one-way'. Takes two to tango doesn't it? I can't tango alone. And ugh...WHY did I have to remind myself of that name?? Geez...but y'know, somehow, putting aside all that egoness and what-nots, he was really romantic. To a certain extent of course. I mean, somehow ye could sense that he was really sincere and all (mebbe due to the fact that he wasn't that young like I was and mebbe cos he really was looking for a life-long partner). But then I just knew it wasn't going to work. I dunno why, I just knew. And I tried to get out of it before I did any harm...hey, only a month of it, so it's not too late. Okay so you might be asking, why the f*ck did I get into it in the 1st place?! Okay cos he was so persistent and not bent on giving up so I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. See how he liked it. I said no everytime but he still insisted and insisted that it got pretty annoying. So let him be. Hmmm...still have his photo and card. But the countless emails obviously I have already deleted a long time ago. Sometimes I wonder how he's doing. I mean, cos he left home and all. I dunno...wallahu'alam.

I think I've found my soulmate. But he doesn't think so. Oh well, I don't know what he thinks. I know it's redundant to harp on it time and again but then hey, I'm not stalking him. I don't talk to him. I don't even send mails now. And whatever it is, I'm not going to tell him that these feelings still exist. Cos it's no use. He doesn't care. So why should I? Let me just grin and bear it. Simple. And he's sarcastic all the time. So why shouldn't I be sarcastic too? But...I feel bad. Cos I want to be nice but then I'm afraid that if I'm too nice, he's just gonna think/sense it again and then it's all gonna be over. It's not easy y'know...trying to act as if everything's fine and back to normal. Wacky and all...but not really. It's horrible. I've lost it and it seems as if it's slowly coming back. I don't want to lose it again.