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How to appear as if you're stalking someone even if you're really doing it:

1) Follow the person secretly everyday since you have nothing better to do and dodge behind various everyday conveniences, ie, trees, lamp-posts, passers-by etc if he/she should ever turn round or stop to do something.

2) Keep a record of the person's routines and favourite haunts. You should have picked up all these while following him/her everyday. Then try to emulate the person. Remember, practice makes perfect.

3) Start to act like the person but make sure that you are totally immersed as him/her. Be "one" with the person. Say if he/she always wears luminous green socks with sandals, then try to do the same even if it means making a complete fool of yourself.

4) Continue to "shadow" the person but this time keep up with him/her on the same level, ie, try to "blend in" with the other passers-by but "being one" with the person at the same time.

5) After a while, try to create an opportunity to get to know the stalkee. Pretend to be extremely gregarious and charming, not forgetting to flash your pearly-white dazzling smile...provided of course, you brush/floss many times daily.

6) Maintain your friendship with the stalkee. Make sure he/she likes you very much and that no one else knows who/what you really are. Hang out with the stalkee almost everyday to "familiarise" yourself with his/her surroundings+habits, although you should have known all that already.

7) After a while, call him/her up in the middle of the night since you should be a night owl and laugh an eerie evil laugh before hanging up. This is to create that "oh-I-think-I-am-being-stalked" feeling.

8) Start to leave mysterious boxes and packages that contain soft toys, loonie "lurrrve"-letters and the likes. If these things don't scare the stalkee, they might just turn him/her on which then goes to show that he/she is sex-crazed, unlike yourself who is partially sex-crazed but fully gone-case.

9) Whenever you're around the stalkee, give him/her weird looks. Stare as often as you can into hisher eyes to show that you're "adoring" but in reality "super-gilak". Throw in the occasional murderish giggle as well.

10)Go in for the kill. Confess your admiration and "lurrrve" for the stalkee. If he/she appears to be shocked but responds accordingly, ie, shares your sentiments on "lurrrve" and feels the same way about you, congratulate yourself on a job well-done and plan to breed crazed-stalker-babies soon. However, if he/she does not seem to agree on your ideas, exterminate him/her with a shotgun.

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How'd you like the list? Aw...sweet wasn't it? *wry grin* Okay okay, I'm kidding of course but did I just sound like a crazed stalker or what?

I'm outta here.