I realise this is probably a so-called second entry but heck, I just feel like writing.

I know I'm supposed to be surfing for my ETS but you know how I always love to sidetrack myself. So I got down to reading some of the older entries and I realised that yes, at some point in time, I was madly obsessed about someone; pursued by 2 people at the same time (note: fact, not bragging..don't like to brag unless to annoying people); actively going out with Huda after school hours, something which is lacking nowadays; enjoyed outings with friends frequently, something which is also rare at this moment; blah blah blah.

Well...I wonder. Wonder what would happen if I'd decided the other way? Would I feel fulfilled? Would I feel contented? I know I am now since I stuck with my decision. Am happy with my life even though have tons of things to do. Glad there's something to do and that I get paid for it. I wouldn't like to stay idle all day and get bored and pissed cos I'm broke. At least, doing some sort of work that's mindless and doesn't require much brainpower. Oh, you know how lazy I am when it comes to exercising the little grey cells.

A friend of mine is feeling not-too-good about something. I remember when I used to feel like that. It hurt. Totally hurt. It's like you're being ostracised even though you're part of the group. They silently ignore you and treat you as if you don't exist. I empathise with my friend but I don't dare say more because at this point in time, I'm not the one going through it. My experience might not be the same as my friend's, and furthermore, the situation involves my friend's close pals and it wouldn't do any good for me to rub salt to the wound. No, it wouldn't. I feel just as angry though. It really hurts to be treated like a non-existing entity.

Are these people really called friends? Sometimes, they are nice; at times they are not. Maybe, I expect a lot but then what are friends for? Oh well, unless they are toxic friends. I remember one friend of mine who used to ask me for help whenever she needed to talk with her boyfriend(s)/guy friend(s). She'd call me to ask me to call her, so that she could bring the (cordless) phone into her room. Then, having the phone in her own privacy, she'd hang up on me and dial her boyfriend/guy friend's number and there they'll talk for hours and hours till the wee morning. Hmm. What do you think of that? Of course, me being the goodie-two-shoes at the time, allowed it to happen. Somehow, I didn't mind that she was making use of me. However, there was a time when I blew up. I was in the middle of homework, and it was a very frustrating problem, and she called asking for that little favour again. My tone picked a rather annoyed flavour and I remember snapping, "Sorry, I'm busy!" Nevertheless, she never called to ask me for that favour again.

Another friend (don't know if I can call her that since I seldom communicate with her) has the habit of sticking only with the elites. Bloody irritating if you ask me. I just don't like her attitude. You want to stay in higher circles, do so. Just don't approach me and pretend to be nice just cos there isn't anyone else available to talk to you at the time. And I sent the card out of genuine concern. I never expected you to return anything out of goodwill, that is, if you had any in the first place.

With friends like that, I don't need any. Thank you for getting out of my life.