I don't want to reveal anything about it here yet. So far, 2 people have known, excluding us but that's only my own knowledge. He could have told anyone else, his friends, mother, brother perhaps. But I doubt so.

I'm a total wreck. I keep shaking every few minutes and it's all I can do to keep myself from shaking. I've never been like this before, never, not even when I had that infatuation some time back. And to think that I spent a longer time being infatuated than being in love. Cripes.

I'm not trying to write something mushy here. I'm not known to be a mushy person, only to some person/s involved. But what can I say..they are not involved now. They probably never will want to be involved anymore. At least, that's my own deductions. But I suppose this is all retribution. I had it coming, even though I never saw it. It was all too fast. Too sudden.

I've done some pretty stupid things in the past and I wish I could turn back time but I can't. I'm just as ordinary as the next average human being and there's so much I can do to retrack my mistakes. Forgive me please. To all those concerned, I owe you a thousand many good apologies. I might have apologised before but right now, I guess I have to apologise to God. I have to beg His forgiveness and to allow me a chance to redeem myself. I'm a failure.

Yes, I'm a failure. Please forgive me.